Having the Talk

In my blog's early life, there were frequent posts about the cute things my middle son, Cole, would say. As a 3,4 and 5 year old, he was constantly turning our heads with his contagious stories, insightful questions and simple ideas from his little mind.  Here's an old post about Cole Man.  
He's always been concerned about others and their feelings. He wants to protect others. He's my lover at heart. And he already knows his destiny.

We've always called him our 'Old man in a little boy's body.'

A few weeks ago, on our way home from our church's kid's bible study program, Awana, Cole was asking some 'heaven' questions. But just like several times before, his heaven questions centered around his Papaw, my dad, who passed away from prostate cancer in 2007. I'm guessing since most of what Cole hears about him relates to him going to heaven, watching us from heaven, and getting to see him when we go to heaven. So to Cole, heaven means Papaw time! 

He started with how he feels bad for Rhett and Cora because they never got to meet Papaw and he never got to see them. I told him that every single person is already planned and one of God's amazing creations. So Rhett and Cora were in heaven when Papaw went there and they got to see him, play with him, sit in his lap and talk to him. He was probably laughing his hearty laugh when God sent our third boy and red headed, spitting image of Daddo down to Earth. I'm sure he was sad too but happy to watch him grow. And that girl. She got to spend the longest time with him and listen to his stories. Maybe that's why she acts so much like me?! 

Cole was happy with that answer but sad too. He realized that he spent the least amount of time with Papaw on earth, just 15 months, and didn't get to spend time with him in heaven. He said, 'I don't remember anything about him except for the stories everyone has told me.' 

I explained to him that he'll get to see him again in Heaven. He was quiet the rest of the ride. 

Later that evening after we had put the littles to bed, we watched the movie God's Not Dead. 

It's an amazing movie for both adults and kids alike. It challenges the debate between Science and God. Some of the explanations from each side had some words that were difficult for the boys to understand, but we'd pause and explain. But much of the movie was understood through actions, not words. 

When it was over, I actually wanted to talk more with our oldest Will who had just accepted Jesus as his savior while at church camp this summer. Consistent with how he is, he hasn't shared much on how it happened. He can explain his beliefs, what it means and he understands fully. For him, that's all that needs to be said. For us, that's ok too. He's not one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Now for Cole.... On hearing his brother was choosing the short talk, he saw his chance and piped up with his first question. 'How do we know that God's Not Dead?' 

I felt giddy inside. I had been waiting on having this talk with my kids ever since they were born. The most important thing you can teach your child. Of course with our 8 year old, Daddo and I kept it simple, which is how I'll tell it on here. 

'Everything around you, the dirt, grass, leaves and trees, clouds, water, animals and people were all made by God and all planned by Him. That is how we know He is still alive.'

'But how can God even die if he's not a real person?' 

'God cannot die because He is the creator of everything.  God's Not Dead means that He hasn't left us. He has always been with us and always will be even when things get really bad. The bad times are when we need Him the most.'

'But why does God let these bad things happen to people? How come He let that guy (in the movie) die?'

'Our world is a sinful place. The devil is constantly working. There are bad people who choose to do bad things because God gave them the ability to choose. God also has a plan for every single person in this world. Sicknesses and accidents happen. That is also part of our sinful world. Just because you believe in Him and love him and try to do good things, doesn't mean everything will be wonderfully perfect for you. Bad things will still happen, and having that faith and hope that eventually things will be better, is part of what being a Christian is about.'

'How do we know things will get better? It doesn't always get better. People die all the time. People are mean and bad all the time.'

'When you believe that God is the Father and he sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins and came back to life and went to heaven; if you believe in this then you too will one day go to heaven. This is the hope that having the Christian faith brings us. No matter how bad things get here in this sinful world, we will eventually get to go to heaven. And in heaven no one is sick or sad, hurt or lonely. We get to see the people we miss so much. We get to meet Jesus too!'

'Jesus is in heaven with everyone else?'

'Yes! Jesus was a real person on Earth a long time ago! Jesus was actually a part of God as a man on Earth. God is three parts. He is the Father of everything created in the whole universe; He is the son Jesus, who was born a baby and grew into a man in the world; and He is the Holy Spirit that lives inside us when we choose to believe in Him. Before Jesus was in the world, people had to believe in God based on what prophets said would happen because God sent them a message. When these miracles occurred, that was the only proof people had that God was real. The world was very different before Jesus was born. God knew he had to send a miracle that people could see and people could talk to.  When Jesus was on Earth, he told everyone he could about God and about Heaven. Jesus also told them about why he was there and how one day he would die and come back to life. When all of those things that Jesus told them would happen really did happen, the people could really have something more than just faith of the unseen. Jesus was really here and really performed miracles right in front of people. And they talked about it and wrote about it. That's part of the Bible.'

Cole was happy with all of the answers he got and we told him and his brother (who too had been listening) to go to bed. When I went to tuck him in, I was hoping he would bring up another question to get us to talking. I knew as the next day got started in the morning, we may not have another chance to really talk.

'I need to know,' he said.
I asked him 'Know what?'
'Is God really real?'
I've had this exact question before but it was about Santa. I immediately thought about my answer then and how this time it was totally different and totally real.
'He is completely real,' I answered.
'How do we know?'

'We know He is real because we all have the ability to feel, make choices and to love and care about others. We are all completely different from everyone else. You know how you worry about things and people and how you sometimes get upset and sad? That is the part of you that will forever go to heaven and be with God. That feeling inside of us is how we know that God is real and that He created us and everything in this world. If you believe in Him and believe in His only son who died for us, then when you die, that part of you that has feelings and can make good and bad choices, that part goes to heaven forever.'

'OK, I want to do it now. How can I?'

'You can just talk to him right now; like he's a friend. When you become a Christian, then God and Jesus are your friends. You can talk to them when you're worried, or scared, or sad. You can talk to them when you're happy and thankful and when you made a wrong choice and are sorry for it. Being a Christian means that you have a really good friendship with God. Right now we can just talk to him and tell him you want to be his friend.'

'OK. Talk to him for me.'

'Dear God,

Cole is here and he's ready to be really close to you. He'd like to have a relationship with you and be a Christian. Cole loves you and he loves Jesus. He believes that you love him so much that you gave your only son to die for all of us. He also believes that Your son died for us but came back to life and went to heaven. Cole wants to go to heaven one day and be with you. He's ready to have you as a friend so he can talk to you and ask you for help when he needs it and to ask you for forgiveness when he messes up. Thank you God for giving us this chance to choose you and for being Cole's friend. Amen.'

'Thanks Mom. I feel better now. Good night. I love you.' 

And with that, my second born, oldest middle son became a Christian and he was ready to go to sleep. That peace in his heart that he instantly felt that night, is something I hope Cole can lean on when he's worried, scared or nervous. It's that 'child-like faith' that God wants us to have. Humans cannot comprehend the great miracles that is God, so we shouldn't try to analyze or prove it. It's simple and it's the truth.
I'm so happy for him. The proudest I've ever felt as Cole's mom.