The First Man to Love Me

My Heavenly Father chose my earthly father long before I was even an idea in anyone's mind.
My dad was the first man to ever love me. And it was him who also chose the other man.  When I was in the 8th grade and riding in the car with him and my older brother, I asked the question that every pre-teen girl asks her dad, When can I go on a date? His answer was, Until you're 16, there's only three boys you can ride alone in a car with, and that's me, your brother and Jake Jackson.
I was stunned that day, and stunned still even now. I had known Jake since Kindergarten or 1st grade as our older brothers were good friends. I was a tom boy with a little girly flair, and he was super macho but also nice to me. But this guy had moved away to another school for his junior high years and I hadn't seen or thought of him in years. When I asked my dad that day why Jake Jackson out of all the cute guys I had mentioned in the 8th grade..... why that guy. He said in his normal simple way, Because that's who I said, that's why.

My dad had no idea he would be leaving me as early as he was going to. He loved life. He loved people, animals, a good long joke, a glass of scotch, oil wells, making money deals, and eating good food. I could see the sadness in his face for the two years he had cancer. Even on his better days, with little pain, he wasn't his old relaxed, cheerful, self. He wasn't happy with the decision his Heavenly Father had made for him.

But without him even knowing, 15 years earlier while riding in that car, God was planning how this whole horrible thing would still be ok. If His plan was to take my earthly father from me so early; the one man to love me and protect me; He was going to make sure I would be ok. So two years went by after that car ride, and I was a Freshman in GT English class with a few other grade level students, including a Sophomore guy I hadn't seen in a long time. By the day October 25, 1994 rolled around, I was dating Jake Jackson.

My dad died of cancer when I was 27. Twenty seven. That day, September 19, 2007, my life became real.
I saw my young, naive world in a whole new light. I only had two young children at the time, was a stay-home-mom and until then, had never lost anyone very close to me. I questioned God then and you know what, my human heart still questions him today. My dad was one of the most down to earth, friendly people anyone would meet. He never met a stranger. He always made things seem not as bad as they were. He didn't choose to have cancer and he didn't choose to leave me. But when he died, I was angry that he left. At first I was angry at God. And every year at this time, I still have heated discussions with my Heavenly Father about why he decided he needed to take my earthly father so early in my life. Seven years later, I'm 34 years old. I'm still so young, yet I've lived this many years without my dad. That is real. And that's one of the reals I don't like.

But our Father's plan is always the best plan even when we don't understand it. Even when we really hate His plan. Even when we shout at Him, cry uncontrollably, and seven years later still ask Him why. It took me this long to finally understand. Even though God knew it would hurt me incredibly to take my dad away, and my kids' papaw, He would still prepare me and protect me.

My dad's and Jake's relationship wasn't the typical girl's dad/ boyfriend relationship. If I was heading out the door with Jake and my dad was in his recliner watching one of his favorite shows, Jake would play around and say I'll have her back by morning! Dad would just wave and say Ok! hardly paying attention to us.

Can you imagine having that much confidence in the boy your teenage daughter is dating that you barely turn from your tv show to see them out the door? If I was asking to go out with some people, I'd give him the itinerary of the night's events, he'd wait until I was finished and then would ask Is Jake going? That's all that mattered. We used to joke about it after we were married... how Dad acted like Jake hung the moon.

I wonder now that I've seen God's plan in fruition with my dad's earthly life, if my dad kind of had a feeling that Jake was the guy. Not just the guy I'd marry, but was the guy that God would place in my life because he was going to have to leave. It's a little deep I know. But why else would a dad, the man who sees every boy and man in this world as a danger to his baby girl, act so accepting toward this one boy; this one pimply, hormonal, football-playing kid?

But he did and it worked out.

My dad didn't like a super sad story. So in honor of him, I'm going to stop with the sappy post and make a list of my dad's  Top Ten Favorites

I'll start with #10, because that's how my dad told a good story. He'd build it up and make you wait for that great ending.

10. A good Scotch. He enjoyed it with a splash of water. But he could definitely enjoy life without it so that's why it's #10.

9. Food. This includes midnight snacks, warm pies, homemade vanilla ice cream, all you can eat buffets and really just all foods in general. And he would savor every bite. He was always the last one finished eating.

8. Traveling. He loved a good road trip, a good motel deal, and he longed for a trip in the motor home. 

7.  Reading. His favorites included the Louis Lamor series and anything by John Grisham.

6.  Watching movies. He was the best customer of every movie rental place that existed in the Overton/ New London area. Gone With the Wind and Lonesome Dove. If one was on the tv, no talking.


5.  Jotting down numbers and figures. Any time he was just sitting somewhere, he'd start figuring numbers on paper. He had the kitchen wall covered with post-it notes of numbers.

4. Animals. I can't even count the number of strays my dad brought home and found families for. All kinds too. We had a pet raccoon, squirrel and soooo many dogs. Then his daughter married an avid hunter.

3. His friends. He never met a stranger and never forgot a name or a face. He was genuine. But his close friends, you knew he'd do anything for them.

2. A hot, black cup of coffee. Yes, this is above his friends and foods, but this is ok because his coffee was always enjoyed with his friends and his food. The hotter the day, the more he brewed.

1. His family. My dad was an only child so he'd do anything for his Momma, and a day never passed without him trying to please his dad. For us, he was the dad who put anything aside to play with his kids or spend time with my mom. And boy could he buy Mom some of the most perfect gifts. He not only put his family first, but he was always thinking of others.

When I was little he'd tell me I'd always be his baby girl even when I'm 30. Back then, 30 sounded so old and so far away. I think about that a lot.